how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
