OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
