i would punch a child for taco bell
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
