I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
