btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I looked at my own cervix.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
