WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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