i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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