Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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