I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
