I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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