Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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