I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
