Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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