mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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