real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
