...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
