I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup