Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
