people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Your cock deserves a montage
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?