Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?

(407): View more from Florida

i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery

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(314): View more from Missouri

so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.

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(661): View more from California

Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

(1-661): View more from California

What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(814): View more from Pennsylvania

so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?

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(507): View more from Minnesota

How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation

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(970): View more from Colorado

If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.

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(586): View more from Michigan

I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you

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(701): View more from North Dakota

He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.

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