I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i used baking grease as lip gloss
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.