Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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