I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
