I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
