how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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