I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
