One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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