She is in my trunk
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
