butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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