So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
