id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
