The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
