with your own penis?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
