I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
