I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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