i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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