The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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