Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
