So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
