btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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