Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
