just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
