Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
