Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
