if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
