Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
