the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
is that a dick in a sweater?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
