God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
