i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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