Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
