got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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