Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
The uberlube is also flammable
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
