I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
