There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
