now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Pants are for mortals
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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