this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
