'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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