It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
