I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
