How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can you bring me the toilet please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize