And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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