got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
