We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I am available for nakedness
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