all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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