he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
