you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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